Needless Lyrics

Helloooo Blogger. It's been a while.
Haven't felt as inspired to write on Tumblr, so here I am.

I don't know what's up with me. Usually I'm pretty excited for the start of a new year. I know it's stupid. Everyday is the chance for a new start, but I don't know know. I usually look forward to it.

This year though, I don't really care. I'm not really looking forward to the new year and I'm not really feeling very reflective about this past year. To be honest, I don't remember much of it. I WILL write more next year.

I'm just...ugh. Tired. Tired of monotony. Maybe I do need a fresh start. I'm not sure the new year will bring that though.

I don't deal with change very well.

As much as I would like to be able to say that I'm a 'Go with the flow' type of person, I'm just not. If I'm going to hang out with more than two people at a time I need a very thorough plan. I kind of thought that having switched schools an ungodly number of times made me somewhat used to change. Not so much.

I enjoy schedules; I like know what I'm getting myself into. Time, and time again I've been faced with change of some sort and I've kept telling myself that no one really does that well with change. But...that's just not true. I'm just really terrible being thrown into something I'm not used to.

But I think it's good. I definitely think this is God reminding me that ultimately, He's in control. He has a plan for my life and I need to just let him have it all.

And really, that's what matters. Even when things are happening at a crazy fast speed that I'm not OK with I know that God here. I don't have to know exactly what's going on because He does, and His plan is so infinitely better than anything I could ever come up with.

I went back and read the note I wrote at the beginning of 2009, about 2008. It made me realize that even though I still struggle with change around me, I've changed myself. I no longer bite my nails. And I really, honestly enjoy Coldplay.

Even though I'm unsure of what's ahead and where on EARTH my life is going, God's in control. God's got a plan. And He's here. Unchanging.

I have nothing in mind that I want to talk about. I just haven't done this in so long that I figured it would be good for me.

So.. I graduated.

I would've blogged about it but it really still hasn't sunk in. I never have to go back. I never have to deal with high school again. I'm sure it'll sink in really nicely the first week of school this fall.

The past two days have felt inexpressibly off. I don't know what it was, but they both didn't feel..good. I haven't felt honestly happy and carefree in a while and that's kind of weird.

I'm not depressed or anything, I just have so much going on, one thing after another, that I haven't really had a day to just...sit.

And I'm unreasonably impatient with everyone around me. I'm to the point where I expect everyone to be able to read my mind and see exactly what it is I want them to do.
I'm fairly certain I know how to..lessen that to some extent but I really don't want to. It would mean spending less time with the people that have the innate ability to read my mind. And where's the fun in that?

I'm whiny. I know.

I don't know. I just..everything feels wrong and out of place. I need to go somewhere different. Take a trip! That would be beyond fantastic. Anything really. Nothing huge or fancy, but just somewhere different with people I haven't met. A road trip. Bahhh. Yes.

Today was horribly long. I have not stopped moving since 11 this morning. OH LOOK, TWELVE HOURS AGO.

I'm so painfully tired. I would pay money to not have to go to school tomorrow.

Ok, I'm done.
I have nothing mildly entertaining to say. Physics crap still needs to be done. BUT I DON'T CARE.

I'm going to bed. Tomorrow will probably be equally long.

Today was mostly uneventful. I found out I’m salutatorian. So…that’s exciting I guess. I don’t really know how proud I should be. But I get a medal, so that’s fun.

On the way home my mom, Robert and I got started talking about your “I’m About To Die” list of people. Really catchy title, I know. But basically, let’s say you suddenly discover you’re about to die and you only had time to call ten people before you kick off. (Oh, and no 3-ways or anything crazy like that, no speakerphone.)

Who do you call? I kind of struggle with this. Family, obviously. But who else? And who in my family do I call specifically? GOODNESS. I hate that. I realize that this is a very…SPECIFIC situation, but these are the kinds of things I think about on a daily basis.

BLAH.

That’s all I have to say. Who would you call?

a’ight. It wasn’t horrible, and things generally improved towards the afternoonish time.

Got up, ate breakfast, worked on my paper. Went to “run errands”*, picked up He Who Shall Not Be Named (Until He Blogs), went to library, worked on paper. At dinner, worked on paper.. You get the idea.

Blah, nothing huge to talk about.

Although, today on the way to “run errands”, I started thinking about some stuff. It occurred to me that I expect different things, from different friends.
To some extent I think that’s probably a very normal, acceptable habit; different people have different abilities. But, I think sometimes I almost tend to be a bit hypocritical. I won’t text one friend back because I’m lazy/sleepy/stupid, but I expect another to text back the moment I text them. I get my feelings hurt when one friend doesn’t remember something I deem important, but then I wouldn’t expect another to know that about me if I asked. I dunno.

It’s all kind of weird. I think some of that just comes with the territory of having some friends be closer than others, but maybe I expect too much/not enough of some of my friends. Who knows.

Something to think about.

This thing is sinkin' fast kids.

Today was pretty not good. I hardly slept last night and yesterday was a big fat BUSY MESS. This whole week finally caught up with me, so I didn't go to church today.

Took Rob, came home, couldn't go back to sleep. Typical. So I watched America's Next Top Model.

Hung around, was lazy, then went to BAM at 6. That was pretty horrible, not gonna lie.

And now I'm here.

I had plenty of time today to think about prom, and the fact that I didn't go. Yesterday, I was more than fine with that. Today, maybe not so much. I just...feel like I've missed something. You know? The rest of my high school stuff hasn't been exactly normal, so I just feel like I should have done it just to say I had.
Whatever.

I have a rather large headache now.